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Pig cops, octabrains, and so on occasionally threaten you, but they don't react much to getting shot, and they just sort of fall over when you kill them. But the joy of that game's shooting has been flattened. There are no surprises here: these are mostly the same foes and the same guns from Duke Nukem 3D. The game pulls the same trick earlier on, cracking wise about a boring valve-turning puzzle, but once again, Duke's claim that he hates valve puzzles doesn't make this boring and cliched task suddenly entertaining.ĭuke isn't fighting aliens to save Earth-he just needs to know where they took the chicks.Įvery so often, you shoot some aliens. But making a joke about it doesn't make it excusable. Duke himself says in his unenthusiastic monotone: "What kind of s*** ending is that?" So Duke knows the finale is abysmal, which means the development team(s) did too.
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Furthermore, the ridiculously flippant ending that follows is an absolute insult. A level soon after has you running up a staircase as explosive barrels come rolling toward you, all while the rising water level forces you to push forward. There's only a bit of action here, and the need to constantly replenish your breath meter is frustrating-as is the ease with which you can get caught up in the environment while swimming through tunnel entrances. The last 90 minutes of the game are putrid, featuring seemingly unending underwater excursions in which you swim over bubbles to catch your breath.
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Few first-person shooters are this focused on monotonous actions that don't involve shooting.ĭuke Nukem Forever isn't just boring sometimes, it's plain awful. Puzzles that have you pushing orbs around on the ground turn a voyage through an alien hive into pure drudgery. An excruciating platforming section across rotating gears is wholly un-fun. It's cute at first, but five minutes in, you wish it would just end.
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("Size only matters when you're full grown," Duke reminds us with his chipmunk voice.) But these sections drag on for ages, such as a prolonged excursion across burger patties and kitchen shelves. Playing as pint-sized Duke is a neat idea, and he spews profane chatter as if he has inhaled a tank's worth of helium. Several jumping sequences see you shrinking to action-figure height. You do a lot of platforming and some occasional puzzle-solving, but all of these portions are dull as dishwater. That kind of pace-killing monotony is frequent in Duke Nukem Forever.
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And just when you think you're going to get the chance to do something different, you get in your monster truck and drive up more ramps. The driving just goes on and on, and then on some more. But this structure repeats itself three times in a row. It's nice that you get the chance to shoot some aliens amid all this bland driving. You see a lot of the same brown canyons and cliffs in these sections, and on scripted occasions, the rover stalls and you have to get out and search for gas cans. In these sequences, you drive over aliens and use ramps to jump across chasms.
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Take, for example, a series of levels in which you drive Duke's four-wheeler. Other sections drag on interminably, and there are frequent stretches in which nothing is happening. You might spend only three or four minutes on one level, doing nothing but walking and jumping a bit, before reaching the inexcusably long loading screen that introduces the next. Now Playing: Duke Nukem Forever Video Reviewĭuke Nukem Forever is a treatise on what happens when random ideas are slapped together without regard for how they fit with one another. That is, unless your idea of fun is to catch an occasional glimpse of digital nipples while you jump and drive around, and only occasionally shoot a few brain-dead aliens.īy clicking 'enter', you agree to GameSpot's In Duke Nukem Forever, there is little joy, little excitement, and little fun. He receives a lap dance from a topless stripper, smacks monsters in the crotch to humiliate them, and has no problem using words beginning with the letter "f." But there's nothing sexy, provocative, or sly about his portrayal in this long-awaited sequel. Sure, he spouts the occasional sexist quip. Neither crowd is likely to get worked up over Duke's actions here. Some see the cigar-chomping alpha male as a misogynist pig others see a clever and ironic take on macho cliches. Duke may be an icon, but he's just going through the motions in this stitched-together collection of poorly paced levels, which do the unimaginable: they make Duke boring. So this is what we've been waiting for, it seems: a tedious and unattractive sci-fi shooter that would quickly hit the bargain bin if it weren't called Duke Nukem Forever.